I work in a clerical job. I do paperwork, answer phones, send emails, and I feel like I’m quite good at it. I’m a quick typer and I can get things done pretty quickly. My philosophy of my job is efficiency is key. It doesn’t mean you have to be the fastest ever, but you have to get stuff done and move on since work flow doesn’t get slow. I’m also the leader of the clerical department I’m at. Which has been a new title for me and quite difficult getting started in a manager setting.
The difference of my job is that I work for my family. A lot of people that don’t know the situation are pretty much like “Wow, I bet you don’t do anything” or “You can just do whatever you want to do!” FALSE. I work my ass off and try to prove to my coworkers that I’m a hard worker, and at times want to prove I’m a harder worker that they are. So that can equate to me being intense at work. Focused I guess is a better word.
I work with lovely people. Don’t get me wrong. I love all of my coworkers as people. But sometimes working with them can be quite difficult.
One coworker, let’s call them Pat, is trying their hardest to be on the same level as I am. I appreciate that. I totally do. But in the same breath, Pat is no where near my level. Pat has a problem of asking everyone but me about issues. If there is a problem with a login, Pat goes and asks someone else in a completely different department. Pat doesn’t know what to do with a fax that our office received, ask someone else that doesn’t do faxes. Let’s just say, Pat gets on my fucking nerves.
I don’t want to bring anyone down, and I don’t want any of my entries to be bashing people. It’s human nature to talk about people. If you are one of those dumbasses that say “I don’t talk about people behind their back” then you’re a pussy and yes you sure fucking do. I think the true nature of discussing a person, whether in good or bad light, is how you speak about them. When there is venom, there’s an issue. Please don’t take anything I have to say as venom. It’s the truth. And all of this I have to say is about Pat’s work ethic and my annoyance of working with Pat.
Pat is a good person. Pat is thoughtful and just wants to be helpful. But some of Pat’s actions come off as condescending (as Pat likes to question authority and buck up to other coworkers–these coworkers have talked to me about this) and secretive (which is the worst in my book. I can shut down the condescending, easy. But the secret stuff, I’m not a fan.). I’ve discussed with a couple coworkers that I can confine in to not spread gossip, and one agrees with my thoughts, the other just says I just don’t like Pat.
So I’m trying to figure out a way, as a manager, to not reflect my “OMG YOU’RE DRIVING ME FUCKING BANANAS” because I do not have a poker face. You can just look at my face and range of emotions and know what I’m thinking. There are times I get so mad and pissed off, that I can’t say anything. If I say anything, it’s going to come out of my mouth like venom. And I’m not about that.
I’ve engaged with Pat on a personal level. I’ve shared some stories about me and Pat has opened up to me about dating, personal life, and such. So I feel like we’re starting to bond. I can honestly think of Pat as a friendly acquaintance. When Pat was first hired, I think Pat wanted a friendship. I don’t get close to people at work, usually the people I get close with quit or get fired. Anyways, I feel like I’m getting to a point of really bonding, then Pat does some dumb ass thing regarding work and I immediately get pissed.
I need to figure out a way to just relax and let it flow. But I’m too anal, too neurotic, too much of a control freak to let things go. At least I know there’s a problem and I’m trying to fix it…. right?
Finally it’s the weekend. Pat has a date this weekend, and I honestly hope it goes well.