You know the friends that you call when your whole world falls apart? They are there through thick and thin? What about the friends that wore sheep’s clothing? They seemed like they were your ride or die kind of people, but instead, were just wanting to watch you implode? I’m talking about ex-friends.
I have had many an ex-friend throughout my whole existence, really. Some that just ran it’s course. Nothing bad happened, just the spark of friendship wasn’t there anymore. I don’t like calling these individuals ex-friends and more of acquaintances or old friends, used-to-be friends. The ex friend is more like an ex boyfriend. The connection was deep, that person knew you and you knew them.
With ex-friends, there is still a chance to rekindle a percentage of what you had. Any rekindling will never be the same as it was before. Even with fights, when you eventually make up, it’ll never be the same. For maximum percentage, it all goes to plan of what happened, was there an apology, is it forgivable, etc. But for the most part, at least for me, what is done is done. Let the dead dog lie.
Sometimes when you decide to remove yourself from a relationship, you realize the amount of toxicity that relationship was, and not necessarily the person. Which can be upsetting to the fact that some ex-friends can take you leaving very personal, especially self-centered ex-friends. Granted, I have some where it was definitely the person, but removing yourself from relationships that feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells is healthy. And that’s for any relationship. You have ups and downs, but if you are more down to avoiding, not hanging out , and just overall annoyed with that person, you have a problem. I’ve learned with some of the relationships that I have left behind was “those were great times, but I feel like I can breathe”.
There are just some relationships that are fun to keep in the past. But present, not so much. It’s like the people that are obsessed with high school. I had an OK time in high school. I had friends, and I went to parties, there were some teenage drama bullshit, but overall OK. There are people that are my age, almost 30, wishing they were back in high school. It’s weird to me, at least. I’m excited for the future and what it can bring. I used to be a huge past dweller, and I find that thought process draining and irrelevant. It’s fun to walk down memory lane, but if you’re just remembering all the bad shit that has ever happened to you or what a bitch someone was or how someone hurt you so bad, that’s not fun. That’s just being a masochistic. It’s like wishing for a brown banana to be yellow again. Bitch, it’s not gonna happen. And even if it did, you’ve already lived it. Who cares?
It’s safe to say that if you find yourself questioning a relationship, any relationship whether romantic or friendship, it’s a good idea to really think about the relationship as a whole. What are the good qualities? And the bad? Has the same issue happened over and over again? Do you feel used? Don’t be brash throwing up your arms in the air and just ending it. It takes thought and really asking yourself “Is this worth it?”
Relationships are a balance act. And balance is so hard. But if you get the balance right, to give AND take, you will find the most rewarding relationships. But if someone is sucking all the life force out of your emotional being, it’s not worth it. Until that person, you, or both changes, you should just consider that person an ex-friend.