Online dating is so fucked up. It is the most superficial way of trying to find someone. I know everyone judges everyone. Even if you are the nicest person in the world, you see someone with a jacked up face, and you feel sympathy, that is still judgment. With the experience I’ve had with online dating, it’s humiliating and soul crushing.
I am used to rejection and that will happen no matter what aspect of your life. I am in the process of trying to build up my self esteem, not drink as much, and become the best version of myself, and I had an earth rattling moment of “What the fuck?”.
The first date I had in March was pretty fantastic. The conversation flowed extremely well, we both laughed and had fun, he touched my back and kept showing signs of he liked me. He asked if I wanted to go back to his place, I told him no, since it was the first time meeting him. A little butt hurt, I told him that it was getting late and I was going to go to my car and go home. He walked me to a cross walk. We both embraced but more friendly than anything. We both departed. While walking to my car, I was thinking that he was a pretty fantastic guy, I had a good time, we had one awkward moment of not going back to his place (but he should understand…. right?). I get home and I receive a text stating that it was cool meeting me and that he had a good time and I was really pretty. We made puesdo plans to go out that Friday night, and he would plan it out. Then I didn’t hear from him until the Friday day. (IN the meantime of waiting for that text, I was freaking out, like how could this guy just not contact me if he thought I was pretty… Hahaha) He sent me a text stating that his education and career are in a completely other realm than mine, I gave him a good impression, my humor is amazing, and he wasn’t interested in seeing me.
So yeah, I didn’t graduate from college. But just because I don’t have a degree doesn’t mean that I’m not a smart person. And money? I bought my first home when I was 21. I make decent money that I can support myself, my lifestyle, and be comfortable.
Insulted, my first reaction was to flip out; luckily I didn’t go that route. I just texted him back that he was missing out, thanked him for being honest, and hope he finds what he’s looking for… sent… then in my mind from ON FUCKING LINE DATING. What a fucking joke.
Part of my heart just wants to forget and just stop believing in love. I’ll never find it. But I can’t do that. I just haven’t been kicked in the vagina or punched square in the tits like that in awhile. It makes you question yourself and your sanity. It rattles your core a bit.
But just because some dumbass dude from the internet thinks that I’m wonderful but my education and career is lacking, doesn’t mean shit. Like I told him, he’s the one missing out. Spiritually, in my eyes, the only eyes that matter to me, the eyes that will be with me for the rest of my life, I’m a fucking terrific and beautiful person. And to the people that disagree, well, I don’t care what you have to say.