Selfish

There are times in your life where you need to be selfless, and others when you have to be selfish.

I’m in a current state of unapologetic selfishness. I feel as though for years I’ve been in a state of selflessness and making sure everyone felt comfortable. If friends were fighting, I tried to be the peace maker and get everyone to be cool. And for the most part it worked. But when you put other people ahead of yourself and put yourself in the middle of other people’s problems (ie: Friend A is mad at Friend B, but you are friends with both), it just blows up in your face.

I’ve dealt with that. And it sucks to be put in the middle of conflict, especially when you end up being burned.

So right now, at this moment, anyone that is angry with me or upset at me, can honestly go suck rocks. I don’t care. And unless it’s vocalized of why they are angry at me (which is 10000% preferred because that is conflict resolution), it will stay like that.

I’ve separated myself from a handful of people within the past year. I realized that their absence and utter silence is deafening to me. My life seems so simple and uncomplicated. The roller coaster of dramatics are gone. My life as of the beginning of this year has been utter Hell. It’s honestly been the one of the worst year of my life since 1997. The closest people in my life (which are the ones I’ve separated from) have been the quietest during this turbulent time. And to me that speaks volumes.

When I talk about being selfish, I’m not implying that you never think about others. It’s all about putting your happiness first. It’s about if you have a relationship or emotional problem then you need to fix it, but if it’s not yours have the people or person that is having the problem deal with it. If buying someone else a coffee makes you happy, then do it! Or if splurging on a cat dress makes you happy, why not? Of course there is a limit. For example, drinking vodka makes me happy but in order to do more stuff that makes me happy (ie-buying said cat dress), I probably shouldn’t be drinking vodka before or during work. With being selfish, you have to always remember the cause and effect.

So cheers to being selfish. Cheers to being happy. This is my life and I don’t want to spend it around shitty people and avoid shitty situations if I can help it. I want my life to be filled with people that care about me. I want to have events that happen in my life that doesn’t feel like you’re walking on egg shells. I want friends and colleagues that can speak to me and tell me if they have a problem. Avoidance is never the answer. Being healthily selfish is.

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