Journal entry written on 8/3/2015
“I am an avid picker. I pick my face & my finger nails. A small blemish on my face becomes a massive scab on my face. It is worse with my finger nails. I know when I’m going through rough times because I rip my finger nails. Not completely off, just the white part then as close as I can get them so I can still use my fingers but still experience pain when using them. They end up looking like bloody stubs.
Today I got Latrice, my betta fish. He’s a pretty boy. Kota is super jealous. My house needed testosterone.
I think I need to change my career or life choices. I’m not happy at work. I’m usually mad or stressed. I just want to stay home with my pets & not have to worry for once. There are times I wish I could just find someone to take care of me, but let’s face it, I’m too much of a control freak.
I think sometimes or maybe most times, I just want people to feel sorry for me. I have a hard time feeling sorry for me. My life, as I’m living is mediocre & I wish I was doing much more. But as I complain & bitch about my life, I just realize I’m a whiny little bitch that has an incredible life & how I should be ashamed for feeling otherwise.
Work is work. My life is what it is. A sad functioning alcoholic, romantic woman who just wants love like complete, life altering, sadistic, addicting love.
Where are you?
Where the fuck are you?”