Shooting out generic questions really isn’t getting to know a person. Having a conversation is!
A lot of conversations on online dating has started very much like an interview. And with that being said, the first thing in an interview setting that is very rarely asked in online dating is “WHAT IS YOUR NAME?” If you are interested in getting to know a person, you should introduce yourself and ask what their name is. Not only is it courteous, but when talking to multiple people and/or you’re not good with names, you have what their name is. And keep referring to their name in messages. It makes the conversation more personal.
Getting to know a person isn’t hard. You don’t have to come up with some witty way of saying things. If you are genuinely interested, you’ll have something to say. What made you interested into conversing with this person? Tell them that! Add tidbits about you in it, and that is an excellent way of messaging.
Doing robotic replies and answers is unappealing. For instance I’ve been talking to this guy (who clearly inspired this post) and he sends me several messages (he’s on the app, which I refuse) about what was the last concert I went to, favorite stand up comic, etc. When I didn’t answer him right away, asked about my weekend. My response was good, busy and just getting things caught up around the house. His last message to me was:
“Right on, nice to hear your weekend went well. What do you do for a living?”
This is not a conversation I want to be in. This is the interview questioning. This is having zero flow. I’m not that interested after the hounding because I didn’t answer right away, and I didn’t ask him how his weekend was. If I were to take his place, I would message something like:
“I’m glad it was good! Yeah I’ve been busy lately on here. It’s really fun! You should check it out!”
If you want details into someone’s life like what they do for a living or job situation you have to be strategic. If they talk about their job, there’s a good place to ask. Or look at their profile! If they put something in there you can message “I see you put Education on your profile, what do you do?”
When conversing through messages, be interested in that person. Remember to think “What attracted me to you?” and build off of that. Don’t treat it like an interview or that person isn’t going to find you either interesting, or think you’re boring.