I remember getting into the car with the past love of my life, and we were on the search. The search to find our symbolism of a child. A cat.

It was an unusually sunny day for Portland, Oregon. And we just drove, like we used to. And finally in one of the scariest parts of town, we found a pet shop. While looking, we saw two orange incredibly small, orange kittens. One was a boy the other a girl. The pet shop worker stated they were siblings. So we bought the little girl. The worker at the shop told us that she was of age to buy and it was good, now looking back, she was too small. But, we took her. Once the transaction was said and done, I held her into the car as my boyfriend at the time drove. Frightened, I put her in my purse. From then on, she had a slight obsession with my purse, even when I changed it. She loved my purse.

We named her Alice after Alice in Wonderland. She was playful and just an adorable kitten. She was difficult. Again, from looking back, she was probably way too young to adopt. But I slept with her under the covers. She was my baby.

My boyfriend at the time didn’t like her because she didn’t like him. She would snuggle up with me, and just glare at him. I should have taken the hint from her, huh?

When I moved back from Portland to Idaho, she came with me. She was odd because I think she didn’t think she was a cat. We brought other animals around her, and she just never adjusted or fathomed she was a cat. Then Marley came into the picture at my apartemnt in Idaho, and that was her little sister. And it felt my little family was complete.

My ex boyfriend moved out, because I asked him to due to warrants (Prince Charming, I know). So he forgot about us. My life progressed into living in an apartment in Idaho by myself. I remember snuggling with her in my bed telling her that I was so sorry of her life so far, and I promised her a better life. I promised her a house to be large enough to play in. I told her this on a consistent basis. Once my lease was up at the apartment, I moved into my parents’ house to save on a mortgage.

Unfortunately for Marley, she was not able to roam around the house. Alice was. Alice tried to befriend my parents’ cat, Nala. That didn’t always go well. But Alice could adjust. She was amazing in that aspect. We were a team.

Once I moved into my house I bought, Alice claimed it. She was so happy. I remember the first week of being there I told her that “we did it”. I had Alice and Marley. Then I got a dog, Kota. And Kota and Alice were best friends. They would snuggle together. They were always together. I promised her the last couple years that we would get something better. Our life is excellent, but it would get even better.

October 7th 2015, I had to put Alice down. It is the hardest decision I have ever had to make. She hasn’t been her usually quirky self during most of this year. Then she starting doing unusual habits that after much research, advice and consideration, she was suffering more than she was living. On the 7th, I struggled with the whether it was right or not. After she was put down, it’s now just missing her. She was my shadow. She was by my side if I stepped into the house. I miss her so much. I find myself looking for her. And I just feel like I let my promise to her down. I just let her down. I think I’m going to struggle with this decision for quite some time.

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