Frustrated

I think the most frustrating thing about dating is knowing where you stand.

I’ve been casually dating a handful guys here and there. And none of them will go after me. I haven’t kissed either one, and to be honest, they don’t seem to show any interest of being with me romantically. Which there is nothing wrong with that! I have many guy friends and the more you accumulate good friends, the more opportunities and more people that can come into your life.

But the thing that is strange to me is these guys are asking me to “hang out”, never labeling such any sort of outing as a date, which it then becomes a pseudo date so I’m in limbo feeling really awkward because I don’t know what’s even going on.

I’m frustrated because I want a man that is no-hold-barred on expressing their liking of me. I want the flowers, I want the gifts, I want the wooing. The more extravagant, the better. For instance, I love flowers but no guy has sent me flowers at work. The thing that guys don’t understand, ladies eat that shit up. They love that. And it really doesn’t happen. There are a couple examples that have popped into my head of couples like that, but other than that it’s like finding a fucking unicorn. The more I date, the more reality sets in and tells me that the wooing is dead.

Another frustration of dating and knowing what I want is facing the utter disappointment. And perhaps its the media and growing up with fairy tales, but I just want the guy that you look at and fireworks go off. I want to find the person that makes the room electric, and when people enter the room they can see your connection just by the energy of us. And after meeting and dating and doing all that it’s comparing a professional firework display to a sparkler. Or even a lighter.

I don’t lose hope in love. I do lose hope in dating though. Hahah! It does wear me thin at times. Living in my town, it feels like everyone is married with kids by 23 and if you are my age, nearing 30 it feels like you are the spinster that hoards cats. One day, I hope. I can always hope.

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