Let’s take a trip down memory lane…. About three years ago…
It was my first meeting with this guy I was talking to online. He was really attractive, an aspiring chef, and quite geeky. I think we were hitting it off. And a lesson I would learn after this date and many others is that chemistry can be quite different online and translate differently in reality.
We met for the first time at a molecular ice cream shop in the dead of winter. It was freezing outside. We met inside and he was tall, attractive but really awkward. I got a frozen chocolate mint yogurt and it stained my teeth green for a little bit. We both laughed at it. I was embarrassed like most would be but he made me feel comfortable. Leaving the date, I thought that he viewed me as just a friend. I was good with that.
He texted me saying that he really enjoyed being around me and wanted a second date. But it was my turn to plan it. I was quite surprised by this and welcomed a second date. Huzzah!
I planned that we would go to a local beer and wine bar that has vintage arcade games. I told him what the plan was and I would be getting a cab, he asked if he could come to my house and we could cab together. I was fine with the idea, which in reality was really stupid. I don’t know this person and hello, he will know where I live. STUPID. But I agreed and told him to meet at my house, we would have cocktail there and get a cab to the bar. When I planned this was the beginning of the week. The date itself would take place during the week.
During the week I was excited but something wouldn’t settle with me. And honestly, I should have left this part alone and just went on the date. But I kept asking myself, “This guys is a catch. Why would he want me? What’s wrong with him?” I found him on Facebook and befriended him. Which is another thing I will not do, again. Facebook and social media can be a cluster fuck especially for single people. You can view, analyze, assume and see everything that is going on in this person’s life, which includes dating. Dating is not making you exclusive to someone so you can see the other ladies that are interested and interacting with this person. In this instance that was not the case. I just Facebook stalked him. We all have done this, man or woman. I started looking through his pictures. Most of them were normal. Some of them showed him in his chef outfit, others showed his food that he expertly prepared, then I stumbled upon the album. The album that ruined him for me. The album that made me realize “Ah, THAT’S why he’s single”. It was his LARPing album.
Larping defined by Wikipedia is a “role-playing game where the participants physically act out their characters’ actions. The players pursue goals within a fictional setting represented by the real world while interacting with each other in character.” It’s live action role playing. There he was. His cuteness turning into the anti-lady boner before my eyes. He had a sword that looked to be made out of a pool noodle with a broom in different poses. No one around. Just him posing in a backyard. My interest dropped. I was done with that poor guy before he even knew it.
Now before you get after me, I consider myself incredibly nerdy. I have Star Wars everywhere in my house including pillow cases. I have a HUGE Sailormoon collection of figurines, magnets, to plushes. I love anything Disney, unicorns, Michael Jackson, Japanese culture, Nic Cage face swaps, wizard parties… I mean the list can go on and on. I have a lot of very nerdy qualities of myself. Now the difference (and one of the reasons I will not become friends with guys that I’m causally dating on Facebook) is that I don’t want to know about this stuff. If I were to put my best nerd foot forward and just let my freak flag fly I would scare off anyone. I try to keep these things that I absolutely love in the background when meeting people. I want them to see me for me and then judge me after knowing who I am. And before really knowing this poor guy, I was faced with one of his nerdy qualities that is not pleasing to me. Larping is where I draw a line.
The day of the date, I’m not looking forward to this at all. He came to my door and looked so cute, but I had a mental picture of this guy playing with a pool noodle sword permanently burnt into my brain. So we had some cocktails while waiting for the cab to come. The conversation was pretty bland because I really wasn’t engaging. I was done before it even started the poor guy. The cab arrived and whisked us off the bar.
The bar was busy. And he was a kid in a candy store as I thought he would be. He bought the first round of drinks and saw the game Gauntlet. He literally pushed people out the way to get to it. He wanted me to play but was yelling “I’M THE ARCHER! I’M THE ARCHER!” OK dude, chill. I told him I wanted to be the wizard anyway. We pop the quarters in and the noise that came out of this guys mouth was what I could only describe as being loudly sexual. People around us were turning their heads and looking at him. I had one hand on the joystick to the arcade game and made sure the other was clearly visible. I wanted to leave. His moans became so loud that I killed myself in the game. He was sweating, smiling and moaning. I went to the ladies bathroom to call someone to see what I should do. I mean, there was really nothing I could do. I was stuck there. But I just needed someone to talk me down. It had only been not even 15 minutes there. Of course in my crisis, no one picked up. I left the ladies room and got another beer.
I got back into the area with all the games and started playing Mortal Kombat. I was kicking some serious ass when I hear an all too familiar yell “SHE’S RIGHT OVER THEREEEEEEEEEE!” I turn and see my date pointing at me while talking to another guy who looked surprised to say the least. I told myself just don’t die in this game, just don’t die. And my luck, I died. So I went over, smiled, introduced myself to this other guy. “Well this is so unlike this guy to have a girl around.” I just smiled and perhaps twitched. The other guy left. And then my date turned to me saying “All of my friends for Dungeons and Dragons are here, can we go sit with them and hang out with them?? Please? Please? Please?!” I was done. I was so done. I told him that we were on a date, granted I’m disengaged, but a date none the less. And I didn’t want to sit there and be possibly interrogated by a bunch of people I don’t know. I told him after looking at my clock that it had been well over a hour and I was tired and wanted to go home. Reluctant he agreed and we left in a cab back to my house.
After paying I told him that I was tired and hopefully he had a good night. Then he told me he was too drunk to drive. Which as a side note, was a bunch of crock. He had two beers at the bar, but not wanting to argue, I told him he could come inside and sober up, but I was going to get in my pajamas (and to his dismay the most god awfully ugly and unflattering pajamas I had). So I stayed up with him. He was on the couch watching Doctor Who (which that was his redeeming quality of the night). While I’m sitting there I put my head back and close my eyes. Then he grabs my glasses, which I lightly slap him. “I just didn’t want you to break them”. I told him that was very kind but I’m not laying on them. You know that feeling when you aren’t looking at someone but you can feel them staring at you? That was happening. So I opened my eyes, cocked my eyebrows. And he was deep in a gaze watching me rest my eyes. “I really, really like you” Oh god. Oh god. Oh shit. The first thing that pops out of my mouth is “That’s nice”. Not getting the reaction that he wanted he miraculously felt sober. I asked him a couple times before leaving that if he’s not sure if he’s sober he needs to stay, because drunk driving is preventable. He told me he was fine, so I opened the door to him and he went in for a kiss, and I swiped my head into his chest and gave him a hug. I felt so bad for the dude. After all this time, I still feel bad.
Rejection is going to happen no matter what. And sometimes attraction only happens one sided. Everyone in life has been rejected in their life. And the best “revenge” or even better the best way of getting over the rejection is to brush yourself off and keep moving. It may have not worked out with that person, but that person wasn’t meant for me. The right person is out there for me. I know I’ve been rejected thousands of times by guys and it always sucks but it sucks a little less the more you stick with that kind of thinking. It’s unfortunate and a learning curb for me that I won’t be looking up more information than I should online about a person. I think you should always do some basic research, see if they are real, do they have an arrest record, and just make sure that basic things match up. But for their inner nerd or quirks, just leave that to them to share with you. Again, get to know the person and then judge them about their nerd hobbies.
But the story doesn’t end there. I’m still friends with this guy on Facebook. And he texts me the next day saying he doesn’t remember what happened last night and that he was wasted. Which I told him that he should have stayed if he was too drunk and had the opportunity to. Then he started to text. Often. One day between a hour period he texted almost 20 times in a row. Some asking about my day, others asking me if I like him, and the rest “Why aren’t you answering me?”
I then texted him back that I was at work and can’t answer texts all day long. And that I didn’t appreciate the 20 texts in a row. Then he started to text me again 15 times in a row. Some being like “Why are you mad at me?” and “Do you like me?” and “Why aren’t you answering me?”
So finally I lost it. I texted him back saying that I don’t like getting a ton of texts in a row because once again I’m working. Then I said that I view our relationship as a friendship. And with anyone including him, I need that friendship foundation before I can enter into anything romantic.
His last text was something like “Well you don’t have to be mean about it”
I didn’t answer. There was no need to continue a conversation that was going no where. And to this day I don’t think I was mean. I think I was straight forward and broke it off pretty cleanly. Unlike the new thing to do is to “ghost” aka just ignore, ignore, ignore.
Later that day I got on Facebook and discovered that the guy posted a passive aggressive post that was clearly about our conversation. It was something to the effect of “Why do girls treat you like shit? This girl just texted me so meanly. I’m a nice guy. :(” That irritated me knowing that this post was in retaliation of me rejecting him. Then I read the comments and I became infuriated. People were commenting on it calling this said girl (aka ME) a fucking bitch.
The last I heard from him was he messaged me on Facebook a couple months later asking me how I was doing. I told him I was doing fine. And he deleted me from Facebook.