It seems like I haven’t had a good emotional breakdown in awhile, so here it is.
I have yet another person that I thought that could have been something special, and it didn’t work out.
I just want to throw the towel in and just give the fuck up. After I texted my friend “What the hell is wrong with me?” after shit went down, her response was “I don’t think it’s you”. And my response is that I’m the common denominator. Which is true. If people keep acting like an asshole to you, and it’s different people… not everyone is an asshole. You are the asshole.
I’m a failure at attempting and being in a relationship. Being me isn’t enough. I feel as though I’m a great person. I feel as though I’m a catch. It’s so difficult to constantly be alone. Everyone, in my eyes, are together. They are in pairs. And here I am, the odd one out. It feels like people feel sorry for me. I just feel like a spinster. Or just unloved in the romantic sense. Or unlovable.
I come off to most really strong. But I incredibly sensitive, especially when it comes to my heart.
I just feel like I’m broken, used or even dirty.
But I’m not those things. I’m strong. I believe in love. And the universe is taking its time to find someone for me. Once things align, it’ll all make sense. This chaos will make sense. That’s just what I’m telling myself.