I woke up the next morning feeling like SHIT. I completely blame the yard drink. So sugary and so amazing, but yeah. It was not good.
I texted the girls up and we decided that we needed some grease. A McDonalds is located in our food court of the hotel, so we were down. But first I had to shower and get ready. My yard drink had a sticker saying that it was refillable at New York New York and Monte Carlo. Excited to get more of this intoxicating concoction and didn’t want to spend more money on another yard drink container, I decided that I needed to clean it out.
Yes, that’s correct. I showered with my yard drink. After I was done, I put it up to dry. Not sure if anyone else would want to drink more of the yard, but I knew I was… at some point.
When we were dressed and ready, we went down and the line was out the door.
Not going to lie, I was snatched for the gods.
We decided we would go on the tram to different hotels to see if anything would have something that would be not as ridiculous. Hungover and on the verge of hangry, we got on the tram to Aria. Nothing. Then the Bellagio. Too fancy and nothing. So we went back to the Monte Carlo to see if the line calmed down. And when we got there, not really. It was still serving breakfast only at the McDonalds. We had like 15 minutes. So we waited. When the glimmering flat screens went blank to changed to burgers, we were all over that shit.
And we destroyed the breakfast Big Macs. It was one of the best Big Macs I’ve ever had. Again being in an alcohol haze, anything is the best you’ve ever had.
After feeling like a million bucks after our Big Mac breakfast we decided to regroup with some of our friends. Some went off to MGM to try to find the lions, the other (my group) decided to get more drinks. In the Monte Carlo’s Street of Dreams (street dreams in text), there was a place that refilled our yard drinks. You would think I would have learned my lesson from the previous night… oh no. So we went at 11am to refill our lovely drinks.
I met Juan at the Big Chill. If you are at street dreams, go hit up Juan. He is legit the best.
Juan hooked us up. And was super awesome. But when I gave him my yard to refill, they always do a rinse out. Surprised, he said “This is pretty well rinsed out”. I looked at him and said “Well I showered with it… so yeah… it’s rinsed”. There was an immediate look on Juan’s face. Disgust? Probably. Intrigue. Most definitely. So he filled my cup with a pina colada and rum, and I was ready to go! So we then bumbled over to the MGM to meet the others who were looking for the legit MGM lions.
We walked over and was heckled by an Elvis in a motorized scooter. He called us all whores. I just continued to drink my big ass drink.
Then we crossed the street to the MGM, and were stopped by a guy saying that we had to come to the Hakkasan at the MGM that night because Lil Jon was going to be there. One of our friends in the trip said that we were on the VIP list but talked to this guy anyways to ensure we would be going to the club that night. At one point walking to the MGM (our other friends were telling us “I’m standing on a lion!”) there was a street performer that was blaring music and had a fake dog laying there. I started to sing to the music, and the guy licked his finger and pointed at me. That has been the most sexual interaction I’ve had in months. Hahahahah!
So we get the the MGM, and figure out where our group was. The other group also got some yard drinks and were enjoying life. It was awesome. So our new venture was to find the real MGM lions. We explored the casino when one of our friends got enough balls to ask someone where the lions were.
“The lions haven’t been here for 3 or more years”
OH. Thanks a lot Pinterest. Hahha! So we just ventured on to explore more! The MGM is so massive that we actually got lost at one point.
After we got lost we decided the best if the group was getting separated (which is easy to do with A) drunk people and B) being in a big ass casino) we were going to do Hotline Bling lyrics. So if you saw that someone was getting apart from the group you would just yell “I KNOW WHEN HOTLINE BLING” the other should shout “IT COULD ONLY MEAN ONE THING” but mind you, with how the lyrics actually sound and add intoxication on top of it, it really sounds like “I NO WHE HOTLINE BEE” “EH HO ON ME ONE THIN” We were hot messes but incredibly thoughtful and organized hot messes.
A couple of our friends wanted to go to the aquarium in Mandalay Bay. So we wandered over there. And not going to lie, my thunder thighs were killing me at this point. I was snatched to the gods, but god damn, I was starting to break apart. Needing some food we decided to go to The House of Blues for lunch to get something else in our hungover, alcohol soaked bellies.
And man was it cool!
I got some sliders that I knew that I could make it home after this. We met up with our other friends from the aquarium, we all decided that we needed to get back to the hotel, hang out and get ready for clubbing later that night.
I got back to my room and I slept. My thunder thighs were killing me as well as my feet. But I gotta tell you my thunder thighs and chub rub were so intense, that I didn’t know how I was going to survive the rest of the trip (note to self for next time!) So sleep was amazing. I was legit passed out. The black out curtains and the comfortable bed…. it was fantastic! But then my phone started going off with texts a couple hours into my nap. Waking up from this glorious sleep, I immediately texted everyone this:
I was super grumpy after this. Mind you, I had a good time after I was woken up, but my grumpiness couldn’t shake off. I seriously felt like the damn cave of wonders. For reals.
So a couple of my girlfriends were at the casino, and since I was up, I decided to go see what they were up to.
Lettin’ the ladies out
They were at the 5 cent slots, my kind of gals! And we all started gambling. Little did I know that the girls made friends with the slot attendant named Larry. He was amazing. Seriously. I talk little crap about the rooms in the Monte Carlo, but the staff for the most part are the best people in the world. He came up to us and just wanted to make sure we were having fun and being safe. It was super comforting. Larry is the best! This was also the time I realized the free drinks in the casino. The waitress came to give me a drink, I gave her a five and just told her to keep it coming. It was incredible, even though I lost money, but it was so much fun!
Before going out, I needed to get food. And just FYI, Subway veggie footlong is $10+. I got a footlong veggie and ate one half there and left the rest for later. (The best decision, ever). We then needed to get dressed up to go to the club Hakkasan in the MGM. And there is a strict dress code to get into the club, so we were dressed up to the nines. I was already fly, and then I was even more elevated. We all looked fabulous. When we all hobbled over to the club, the line was out the freakin’ door. Our friend that said she got VIP tickets was talking to bouncers, and apparently everyone there had VIP tickets. They told us that we needed to go to the back of the line. The line was half way through MGM. It was ridiculous.
So we decided we needed to go somewhere else since all of us were dressed up so fancy! So everyone decided to go to the Chandelier Bar at the Cosmopolitan. It was gorgeous.
And you are in this gorgeous setting and just soaking it up with your favorite people, then there are a group of people in the casino trying to hold up their buddy who is drooling (you know that moment when you have to puke… oh he was doing that there). It was quite a show.
While in the Cosmopolitan, there is a huge high heel shoe at the entrance. The girls wanted a picture, but were waiting for the group that was taking pictures. They were around mid 40s to 50s just having a great time. But one lady totally ate shit. The only guy in our group just busted out laughing. Her friends picked her up saying that this lady has got them kicked out of other places for being too wasted.
We hobbled to the club to see if the line died down… and it just got worse when they were there. My thighs were throbbing. At one point the group wanted to gamble at the MGM, and I just told them I wanted to go back “home” and just hang there.
So a couple of us went gambling, the other hung out in someone’s room. My thunder thighs were so thankful.