I’ve been put in a category for most of my romantic life.
I’ve been a back burner.
Don’t get it twisted with a side chick. A back burner girl is similar to a side chick, but without the the physical relationship. It’s mostly emotional.
Not to get too into it, but 90% of my romantic relationships have ended me in the title of back burner. When things aren’t going well, there’s me. Let’s go emotionally fuck her up and when a better person comes along, but her back on the back burner.
Now, as I’m older and wiser I realize, that being in that title (or any title, such as a side chick) isn’t just one sided. I accepted that title and allowed men to do that to me. I don’t understand why, but I allowed them to push me aside and come back to me like if I were a toy, an object.
I realize now, that no man that put me in that position (and that I allowed myself to be put there) deserves me. I’m not looking for a unicorn, (well…) but I mean I’m not looking for the absolute man of my dreams, but I’m looking for a man that will respect me. That wants me. A man that wants to love me.
It honestly makes me sad that I would let someone make me feel that way. I’m upset at the guys but I’m more upset with myself because I have self esteem. I know I deserve so much than that.
One day, it’ll happen. One day love will bitch slap me in the face and I won’t know what to do.