A Little… Not Really… Rant

After reading an article, it has really made me think about things.

Some relationships/friendships I have are not doing so good. I’ve been told that I haven’t been around much. Which is true, but I also haven’t been invited either. Remember when the phone works both ways? And to me it’s funny when I’m the one that has to reach out. Really? To be completely honest, I think my friends think that I’m living and breathing being in a relationship.

My rebuttal to that is I spend a couple days (literally two days) out of week with my man and the rest of the time I’m doing the same damn thing I’ve been doing forever. Drinking a cocktail, watching trash TV, and snuggling with my dog and cat. My whole damn week is open. Wanna hang out in the weekend, Friday or Saturday I’m free. Want to watch a movie after work, GREAT, I’m free all flippin’ week.

The last time someone asked me to hang out with them (going to the bars) was on the day of and one hour before going. At that time, my dude’s work schedule was messed up and I saw him less than I do now. So I scheduled around when he had time off and wasn’t busy. I declined saying that my man was over and we were spending time together.

Another thing to add to my rebuttal is that all these people that are upset or irritated or whatever at me, is that this is the first serious relationship I’ve been in for almost a decade. Yes, you read that correct DECADE. The last guy I dated (clearly not serious) was TWO FLIPPIN’ YEARS AGO. I’ve been a caged animal!! Seriously. I would like all the nay-sayers to try that. Be completely celibate for two years. No kissing, no nothing. No one would last. Hahah!

Not only that… you might think that this is a 15 year old girl writing this. I’M ALMOST 30 YEARS OLD. I can sure as hell do whatever the fuck I want to do. Be my friend or not. I’m going to do me.

My personal belief is that I need time off, like a breather. I know any relationship is somewhat work, but when is a relationship worth it when you feel like walking on egg shells? When is enough, enough? When you feel like it’s a chore to be friends with someone, or when their actions make you feel bad about yourself. No thanks.

I mean, I’m in a great place in other parts of my life. I’m happy, and I haven’t been in love like this…ever. That’s all. And if someone wants to know more about it, they’ll ask. And usually they won’t because it’s not relevant to them.

My life is not their life. And vice versa.

But I think the only difference is major life events. If my friend Suzy was getting married, having a baby, buying a house, getting engaged, etc., I want her to scream on top of a mountain. It’s exciting to have new chapters in one’s life. But if you don’t engage or share with what’s going on in your life, how am I supposed to get involved or want to know?

See how complex all that is?? I think that relationships shouldn’t be that song and dance. If you are in my life, you will know what is going on in it. And if you don’t know what’s going on, I’ll fill you in the next time we talk. It’s not this passive aggressive, sneaky shit. And guess what, my life is pretty much the same with a minor exception. I just don’t know when being friends or in any sort of relationship has to be this dramatic production.

I just want people to be happy for me, and I just want to be happy for people. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that.

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