Awwwww

This past weekend was pretty amazing.

On Friday night, I spent the night over at my guy’s house. Although, I was very hangry before arriving there…. hahaha! But I got some food and settled down.

So to backtrack just a little, my boyfriend and myself haven’t said the L word. And on this weekend it would mark 4 months of dating each other. I think that’s a lot of time for not verbally expressing love. When I fall, I fall exceptionally fast. I’ve been going a little crazy not being able to say “I love you” to him and then it morphs into bouts of immense insecurity on my part. Like I haven’t loved anyone like him ever. This is the deepest love I’ve ever had. So I’m honestly terrified. This is the most exciting and terrifying times in my life. This guy is meaning a lot more than I originally thought he was going to.  Once I saw my spiral to this insecurity, I decided that I would not be stubborn and just say I love you first (even though HUNDREDS of websites say to wait until the guy says it). I decided that this past weekend was the time. I wasn’t going to chicken out.

We had such a great night spending time together. I was wide awake and the BF wanted to go to bed. I knew it was now or never. I just wanted to get a conversation going to somehow land on that topic. Um, he was not having any of it. “You can talk, I want to listen.” …. This isn’t helping me boo! So I snuggled up in the darkness next to him. And the smallest, quietest “I love you” whimpered out of my mouth. I was frightened.

He responded “Awwww, sweets! You know I have a lot of love for you”

I was kinda baffled when he said that. It’s like a round about way of saying I love you. I didn’t know how to take it.

Within seconds of saying that he said “I love you, but I’m scared about it”. I instantly started tearing up and somewhat quietly sobbing in the darkness. I told him that I was terrified as well. And we just held each other.

 

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