Today is my house day. 8 years ago today, I moved into my first home. I worked incredibly hard to save up to buy this house. And it’s just been a great little place. It makes me reflect my life so far. Where I was 8 years ago…
I was 21 and so incredibly lost. I think that is the best way to describe myself back then. Lost, angry and sad. I wanted something to call my own because everything else around me was changing and transforming. My new normal was never a normal. I was in an emotional turbulence that wouldn’t stop. I moved out of my apartments vowing for a better life for my fur children (Alice and Marley, my cats). Then lived with my parents for entirely too long to save up for my house. Once the hunt was on, and I found my unique and perfect-for-me house, I think the naivety of my being kicked in. Like this was going to fix everything. This house was going to bring my life back together. My life that I lost. My life which included love that I never thought I would find again. I was told through various avenues that I didn’t deserve love. And what I had was the best that I could ever get. So naturally after buying the house, I was waiting for that light switch moment to have my life back. My love back. Everything back to where it once was, but look! I have a house now too! My old life never came back. The guy did came back in my life throughout the years, but my old life was dead. But I never would have expected the kind of life I would have.
I have gained life long friends. And being alone was an absolute new normal. I went on vacations with all my friends, that most were dating or had couples. But it as well became my new normal. I became more social than I really ever had before. Growing up, I was pretty much a loner. I had friends then they would no longer want to be friends with me and just left. So being alone, alone wasn’t super new. It was getting out of the fact that I didn’t have a guy. Which is so stupid, but it’s true. I just wanted a man that had my back. And it was learning how to navigate my own feelings about myself and not needing someone else’s (guy or girl) approval. And I was completely fine with it as time passed. Dating was and will always be awful. I met a handful of OK guys, a couple of great guys that there just wasn’t an attraction or whatever. Guys were looking for who I was. They were looking for a lady that they could walk all over and not let me be me. I was living my life without a man in my life. And I honestly thought that that would be the rest of my life. Much like wanting my old life back, I bet you in my old life that I thought I was going to be like that forever. And I just have to remember, life doesn’t work that way. People come in and out of your life. You’ll have really great moments, like the best moments and then soon after or randomly you’ll have the worst things happen to you that you never could imagine.
Just looking back at 8 years ago, I’m amazed and how happy how much I’ve grown. I’m still super immature and clearly have no idea what I’m doing for the most part. But how much I’ve had to overcome and finding my true self. The self that I was told over 8 years ago that couldn’t find love and wasn’t good enough. I haven’t been in a place with myself where I have loved myself as much as I do now. I think I’m a pretty great person, and I never want to go back to that lost, sad and angry place again. And at least on the path I’m on now, I’m excited for my new normal. I’m excited to see what happens next. I’m excited to share my life with my friends and people that I love.
Life is good. 🙂 Happy House Day!